The Art of Caring

Speaking as a life coach, Rochelle Melander identifies several messages,she wants to communicate to her clients. From my perspective, the principles she identifies characterize the pastoral (caring) and priestly (hallowed) sides of relationships [A Generous Presence: Spiritual Leadership and the Art of Coaching (Alban Institute 2006), p. 82].  Below are principles Melander lists, followed by my comment:

I AM GLAD TO SEE YOU. When you can see an interruption as an opportunity, and it is clear to the other that you see the interruption that way, then it is as though you are saying, “I am glad to see you.”

YOU MATTER. If you devote your full attention to someone, you communicate to that someone she is worthy of your time. If someone believes he matters to you, then you’ve made that moment sacred.

I AM INTERESTED IN WHO YOU ARE AND WHAT YOU DO. If you develop the skill of being open to the person you encounter, then your conversation will reflect your interest: “What things matter to you?” “Do you have a hobby you really enjoy?” “Did something happen today that made you truly happy?” “Will I be able to tell if you are in pain?”

YOUR WORDS ARE PRECIOUS. “Will you trust me if I tell you that I will never share anything with another person that will embarrass or betray you? You will never hear your words coming back to haunt you through my voice.”

YOU CANNOT SHOCK ME. “I am not afraid to hear your truth, and I don’t want you to be afraid to express it. It is difficult to embarrass me, but even if you do, we will survive and still be able to smile at one another.”

I APPRECIATE YOU. “God made you with an innate value and beauty. You have gifts and graces I want to know more about.”

Actually, these principles are pretty good ground rules for marriages, for parents, and for friends.

“Welcome one another, therefore, just as Christ has welcomed you, for the glory of God.” Romans 15:7